Thanks to the city's diversity, there will be supporters
from every Olympic nation.
Every athlete will have a home crowd.
Gold Medallist Denise
Lewis during her speech
in support of the
London 2012 bid.
We were a grumpy lot that summer of 2012.
There’s nothing the police like
better than a good moan, but in the run-up to the Olympics the Met had raised
its game to world beating levels. What with the pension thing, the fitness
thing and the personnel cuts, we were feeling hard done by. And on top of that
we had to handle Olympic security. I say “we” but my role, unofficially handed
down from the Commissioner’s office, was to stay as far away from any Olympic
venues as was consistent with my duties. I guess they were worried about
property damage, what with Covent Garden burning down, the ambulance hijack,
that business in Oxford Circus and the thing that happened in Kew that was
totally not my fault.
When Nightingale was called north
of the border to deal with an unspecified ‘situation’ in Aberdeen I found
myself rattling around the Folly alone except for Molly – which is, believe me,
much creepier than being alone by yourself. As a result, when the phone rang my
response time was pretty much instantaneous.
‘Folly,’ I said and there was a
short pause at the other end.
‘This is CCC, I’m looking for
ECB9,’ said a female voice.
‘We used to be ECB9,’ I said.
‘But now we’re the SAU or SCD-fourteen.’
The operator sighed – the Met
reorganises every three years or so – nobody can keep up. Not even the people
who draw up the organisational flow charts.
‘Whoever you are now,’ she said.
‘I have a job for you.’
That was a surprise. The Folly
has always operated on an informal word-of-mouth basis. Usually, when a senior
officer on the spot thinks they may have a ‘situation’ which might benefit from
some ‘specialist’ assistance they know to call us directly. As part of the
Olympic readiness programme I had responded to a request to define the Folly’s
operational parameters, to better facilitate a co-ordinated and timely
response. But I never expected it to filter down to CCC.
‘Are you sure?’ I asked.
‘You’re the guys who do magic
right?’ asked the operator. She sounded testy.
‘Sort of,’ I said.
‘Then this is your shout,’ she
said. ‘Green Lanes Shopping Park.’
The operator didn’t tell me much
beyond the fact that ‘specialist’ assistance was required and that it was
sierra-grade, urgent, so I put my Kojak
light on the roof and ‘made progress’ down the Essex Road in an attempt to
arrive there in the same geological epoch as I started out. Half an hour later
I turned into the access road of the shopping park to be met by blue tape,
flashing lights and knots of uniforms standing around and trying to work out
how this would improve their overtime pay.
I parked up beside an ambulance
that was idling with its back doors open. Inside, a man in a hard hat and
high-viz jacket was having his hands bandaged by the paramedic. A tall, spare,
athletic white woman with a beaky nose and skipper’s tabs introduced herself as
Sergeant Warwick. She didn’t look that pleased to see me.
‘Are you it?’ she asked after looking me up
‘Yes, sarge,’ I said. ‘What were
you hoping for?’
‘To be honest,’ she said,
‘someone a bit less cheeky.’
Green Lanes Shopping Park used to be the location of the
famous Haringay Arena where, back in the old days, they used to show everything
from ice hockey to the Moscow State Circus. Paul Robeson sang there in 1949 and
Billy Graham launched his first British crusade. With a rich history like that
there was nothing to be done except flatten it and replace it with a shopping
arcade designed in the who-the-fuck-cares school of retail architecture. The
result was a two storey warehouse with a flat roof designed to maximise floor
space and nothing else. The corner unit was occupied by a Costa Coffee
sandwiched between a Fitness First and Dreams: Britain’s Leading Bed
approximately quarter past two on this particular day a well-dressed IC1 male
in his late sixties, possibly older, entered the shop, approached the counter
and proceeded to shout at the members of staff in what they thought was
probably French. The staff had been given clear instructions on how to deal
with such situations, although none of them could remember what these were.
Instead, one of them asked the man to leave while a second called the police.
It might have been a winning strategy if another customer, presumably impatient
for his coffee, had not intervened to remonstrate with the suspect – going so
far as to grab the old man’s arm.
when fire came out his hands,’ said Matilda Stümpel, student and part-time
barista. ‘His hands didn’t catch
fire,’ she gave Sergeant Warwick a poisonous look. ‘It was like a ball of fire,
okay?’ She nodded at me. ‘He believes me,’ she said to Warwick, which was true.
‘Can I see
your phone?’ I asked her.
reluctant to give it up, but handed it over. ‘It’s stopped working anyway,’ she
it open and wasn’t surprised to find that the phone’s chip-set had been reduced
to a fine brownish powder.
brand new,’ said Matilda Stümpel as I dropped the phone, and as much of the
powder as I could catch, into an evidence bag. ‘Am I going to get that back?’
I told her
it was unlikely.
bother with the guy who had his hands burnt, Warwick had his details and the
paramedic wanted to take him to Casualty. So I went off to meet the two
uniforms who’d attended the scene first.
arrived on the scene?’ I asked.
right,’ said the large talkative one. His colleague was small, balding but with
unusually big hands with which he gestured rather than talking.
into the coffee shop and approached the suspect?’
you do,’ said the talkative one while his colleague nodded agreement.
you turned round and left the premises?’
thought,’ said the talkative one, ‘that it was time for a break.’ His colleague
made a palms-up gesture as if to say – what can you do?
‘Did you just
decide that, or did the suspect say something first?’
‘He said we
should go and get a cup of coffee,’ said the talkative one while his partner
mimed drinking from a cup with a saucer.
the fact that you were already in a coffee shop?’
one slowly shook his head at my inability to grasp the obvious. ‘We had to,’ he
said in surprisingly deep baritone. ‘All the baristas had run outside.’
hypnotism,’ I told Warwick, after the two had been dispatched off to drink more
coffee. But Warwick wasn’t buying.
doesn’t work like that,’ she said.
the way it’s not like hypnotism,’ I said. ‘He’s definitely on his own in
in the shop has been accounted for,’ said Warwick.
go get him, then,’ I said.
sure you want to do that?’
or we call in CO19 and have them shoot him.’
stupid, that’s out of the question I couldn’t possibly authorise that,’ she said.
‘CO19 are all on standby for the games. We’d never get them up here.’
Your Metvest comes in the two basic flavours, the one with
plain white cover for wearing under your jacket and the one you get when you
pass out of Hendon which is blue, has Police
in nice reflective letters front and back, and lots of useful pockets and
clips. Strictly speaking, now that I’m plainclothes I should have traded that
one in for the plain cover, but it’s often useful when you’re on a job to look
as much like a copper as possible. So I keep it in the emergency bag in the
back of my Ford Asbo along with other bits of kit from my uniform days, plus a
couple of things I’ve added especially for ‘special’ jobs. I put on the duty
belt and taser as well, and loaded up with all the kit I had in the bag. I
didn’t think I was going to need my notebook or the airwave radio, but members
of the public are so used to us waddling around like Batman’s fat younger
brother that they often don’t register
what we are carrying – that can be useful.
called for another ambulance,’ said Warwick. ‘Just to be on the safe side.’
comfort, I thought, and started the long walk across the strip of car park to
the front of the Costa Coffee. Once the initial excitement of transgression has
faded, people are often keen to see a return to order. That’s why they like to
see a uniformed police officer. Even the criminals. And sometimes, – if things
have escalated out of control and you’re looking at somebody’s dear old mum
down the other end of your shotgun and two to six years with good behaviour is
ratchetting up to life with a recommendation of thirty years minimum and your
face on the front cover of a tabloid – especially the criminals.
the uniform comes in handy. That and the ability to walk towards an incident
projecting an air of quiet confidence and blokey no nonsense
don’t-worry-there’s-nothing-we-can’t-sort-out-ness, when what you really want
to do is hide behind a riot shield.
that, the suspect wasn’t even visible when I arrived at the shop doorway. There
was only the one room, tables on the left, nooks and sofas on the right. A
couple of chairs had gone over in the customers’ scramble for the exit and I
could smell coffee soaking into the carpet. My mum hates coffee stains. She
says you never get them, out not even with the industrial strength solvent she
buys under the counter at the cleaning wholesaler.
slowly into the shop.
police,’ I said loudly, ‘Is there anyone in here?’
friends are probably waiting for you outside,’ said a voice from behind the
counter. ‘Why don’t you go join them?’
became an apprentice, everybody – and I mean everybody – with the slightest bit
of magical potential in London has tried to put the glamour on me. I’ve built
up an immunity.
going to work,’ I said. ‘Sorry.’
‘Merde,’ said the voice. ‘In that case
would you like a cup of coffee?’
please,’ I said.
I,’ said the voice. ‘Do you know how to work one of these machines?’
it a go,’ I said. ‘I’m going to walk around the counter now – if that’s okay
‘If you can
make a cup of coffee you can do what you like.’
slowly and non-threateningly around the counter and got my first look.
He was sitting
on the floor with his back against the wall, out of the line of sight for any
possible sniper, but with a good view of the sides should someone try to flank
him. Short, I thought, although it was hard to tell with him sitting down.
Definitely seventies plus with thin grey hair cut in a side parting, blue eyes
and a narrow face that had avoided jowls by not having enough spare flesh to
Bobet,’ said the man. ‘Who trained you?’
Nightingale?’ said Antonin. ‘He’s not dead?’
‘Not as far
as I can tell,’ I said. ‘Do you know him?’
going to make me wait much longer for the coffee?’ asked Antonin.
preferred ye olde greasy spoon to chain coffee shops but my dad, who had
largely misspent his youth in the espresso bars of Soho, made sure I knew how
to use a moka pot and the principles are the same as on the big commercial
coffee machines – sort of.
noticed, shuffled sideways to stay out of convenient lunging range and was
careful to keep an eye on me as I made two espressos.
them without milk,’ said Antonin, as I reached for steam nozzle.
I asked if
he wanted sugar but he declined and instructed me to sit on the floor with my
back to the counter and place his coffee on the floor between us.
your left hand,’ he said.
More than a
metre separated us and I had to stretch awkwardly to place the cup within his
reach. I also managed to spill half my own coffee and spent an entertaining
minute or so wiping it off my Metvest and duty belt.
waited politely for me to finish rearranging myself before sipping his coffee.
mine. The longer people sit around being calm and civilised, the harder it is
for them to become uncivilised later – it’s just too much effort. The rule of
thumb is that if you keep them talking for over twenty minutes you can usually
walk away without the use of force. Usually.
trained you?’ I asked.
he said. ‘Not that you know him of course.’
archaic,’ he said. ‘Maurice was my professeur
at the Academy. Do you call Nightingale “master”?’
‘Not if I
can help it,’ I said.
history,’ I said.
‘That I can
understand,’ he said, but I doubted it.
‘Well Monsieur Bobet,’ I said. ‘Let’s talk
about how we get out of this situation.’
think Nightingale will be here soon?’
of the city,’ I said. ‘Is it important?’
‘I killed a man,’ said Antonin. ‘On this very
spot, I think, or at least quite close to here. I did it in 1948 so I think
Nightingale may be a little more interested in the case than you. History, you
‘I’m interested in history,’ I
said. ‘Why don’t you tell me what happened.’
‘Why would a young man like you
be interested in history?’
‘So I can avoid repeating it.’
‘Then stay away from men who talk
about the fatherland,’ he said. ‘That’s my advice.’
‘How far out of the city is
Nightingale?’ he asked.
I shrugged and offered to make
‘You can stay where you are,’ he
said. ‘And I’ll tell you a story.’
They do things differently in
France, apparently, even in the wacky way-back days of the Third Republic.
Antonin Bobet was from an old family in Lyon and had been selected, aged
fourteen, to attend the Academy in Paris where he learnt the forms and wisdoms.
‘In Latin?’ I had to ask.
‘The forms, yes,’ said Antonin.
‘The wisdoms were all in French.’
And it was all properly exam based
and meritocratic and if certain old family names, like Bobet for example,
turned up with unusual frequency in the rolls, then that was merely an
assurance that quality and tradition were being maintained.
‘Some of us valued our
traditions,’ said Antonin. ‘Others wanted to be modern.’
‘What about your Professor?’ I
‘He was a Parisian,’ he said.
‘You can never be sure what Parisians believe in – beyond Paris of course.’
It was all a lot like the Folly
as far as I could tell, including the point where it all came crashing down in
1940. Not that everyone thought the fall of the Third Republic was a bad thing
– even if it had taken a German invasion to do it.
‘After the Armistice we all made
our choices,’ said Antonin. ‘I chose Petain and Professeur Guillaume chose De
Antonin didn’t elaborate as to
his days working for the collaborationist Vichy Government except to claim,
unprompted, that somebody had to ensure some continuity to ensure that the
French state survived the war. Which it did in no small part, according to
Antonin, thanks to the efforts of someone called Jean Bichelonne and people
‘Not that any of this mattered to
the Gaullists and Communists,’ said Antonin. The resistance took a perversely
dim view of collaborators and things might have gone very badly for him after
the war if not for the timely intervention of his old professor. ‘He said that
purging me would be a waste of material.’
Which was why, in the summer of
1948, when Professor Guillaume told him they were travelling to London in ‘support’
of the French Olympic team, Antonin didn’t ask what on earth kind of ‘support’
they were supposed to provide.
‘You know what the terrible thing
about the English is?’ asked Antonin. ‘You never do what is expected of you. Your
city was in ruins, your people barely had enough to eat, your government was
bankrupt and you think it’s a good idea to hold the Olympics – unbelievable.’
So Antonin had not been expecting much in the way of hospitality and he wasn’t
‘And I’m not even going to talk
about the food,’ he said.
‘Thank you for not bringing that
up,’ I said and he gave me a sharp look.
Guillaume’s plan was to ‘help’ the French basketball team to victory.
‘How was he
going to do that?’ I asked.
going to make their opponent’s feet heavy,’ said Antonin. He didn’t know the
details of the spell because he had strictly been the lookout man and, if
necessary, the getaway driver. They had made their preparations and were about
to leave for the first game – France versus Iran – when they received a visitor
at their hotel.
your ‘master’,’ said Antonin. ‘Nightingale.’
warned you off?’
made a puffing nose. ‘Nothing so obvious or indiscreet. He merely welcomed us
to London and hoped that we would enjoy the games in the spirit of fraternal
brotherhood and fair play that were the true Olympic ideals.’
warned you off?’
us off.’ And they stayed warned off because Nightingale was famous by that
point as the most dangerous wizard in Europe. This did not sit well with
Professor Guillaume, but what could they do? Things probably would have been
left that way had not the French basketball team, buoyed up by emergency meat
supplies from the Fatherland, managed to fight their way to the semi-finals
where they beat Brazil 45 to 33 to face the Americans in the final.
too much for Professor Guillaume who resented the Americans almost as much as
he resented the English. They knew that the Folly had been decimated at Ettersberg,
so they decided to take a chance that Nightingale would be otherwise engaged
and sneak into the Haringay Arena to carry out their original plan.
had originally been built as an ice hockey rink and so they set up in the
machine room. It was there, amongst the pipes and compressors, that Antonin had
his change of heart.
that I didn’t think what we were doing was right. The Americans had been our
allies and this was a violation of the Olympic spirit,’ said Antonin. Professor
Guillaume didn’t take this well.
‘He said he
should have expected as much from a collaborationist like me and that I should
have had my head shaved like the German-loving whore I was,’ said Antonin. ‘I
told him that I didn’t think it was right to be so petty to our allies and that
it was unsportsmanlike. This he found very funny. “Unsportsmanlike,” he
shouted. “This is for France, what does France care for sportsmanlike?” He
raised his hand to me.’ Antonin shook his head. ‘So I struck him with the
pushing spell – I don’t know what you call it in English – and down he went.’
got up again, on account of having smacked his head against a pipe on the way
down. Antonin quickly determined that his Professor was permanently dead and
then considered his next move.
France lose at basketball was one thing,’ he said. ‘Having her and the Academy
disgraced by a murder investigation and trial was something else entirely.’
used a spell, ironically taught to him by Professor Guillaume, to bury the poor
man around the back of arena and then caught the first boat-train back to
Paris. When he reported in he was told that the mission had been unauthorised
and that he had saved the French state an inquiry.
that?’ I asked.
that,’ said Antonin. Although it was made clear that it might be wise for him
to take up a quiet life in the provinces somewhere. ‘I went back to my family
in Lyon,’ he said.
knew Nightingale would want to know, I made sure I asked what had happened to
the wrong choice after the Algerian Referendum,’ he said. And consequently they
were re-organised out of existence in 1965.
‘So why are
you here?’ I asked.
the coffee?’ asked Antonin. ‘I did a wrong thing sixty years ago and I thought
it would be right to give Nightingale the chance to arrest me.’
explained his overt use of magic in the coffee shop – he was looking to attract
have phoned ahead,’ I said. ‘We would have met you at the station.’
‘I felt it
was fitting that we met here at the scene of the crime,’ said Antonin. ‘Man
against man, magic against magic – the way they used to settle things in the
said. ‘Are we talking about a duel – a magic duel?’
course,’ said Antonin. ‘Better than dying in hospital – no?’
Oh great, I
thought, suicide by cop.
see why you have to wait for Nightingale,’ I said. ‘I’m perfectly capable of
upholding the honour of my country.’
said Antonin. ‘You’re still a boy.’
that was an insult,’ I said. ‘At the very least I think I’m going to have to
make you prove that you’re worth Nightingale’s time.’
insist,’ said Antonin.
no staffs, first man to stay down for the count loses and we suspend the
contest if the building collapses.’
I took a
deep breath and prepared myself.
well,’ I said. ‘On the count of three?’
reasonable,’ said Antonin. ‘Although we could still wait for Nightingale.’
don’t want to miss the opening ceremony on TV,’ I said. ‘Ready?’
said and shot him with the taser.
said, people don’t notice half the kit hanging off your Metvest and I’d placed
it out of sight by my leg when I’d spilt my coffee. I had him cuffed before he
stopped twitching, but in deference to his age I did it with his hands in
We ambulanced him back to UCH where Dr Walid stuck Antonin’s
head in the MRI and kept him lightly sedated while we waited for Nightingale to
arrive. I’m getting quite good at interpreting the grey smudges as they appear
on the screen, and I’ve got to say it didn’t look good for Antonin Bobet.
Necrosis,’ said Dr Walid. ‘He wouldn’t have lasted long – you definitely saved
play,’ he spat at me when I brought him lunch. ‘You call electrocuting me fair
bother to answer that, but I did apologise for the quality of the food.
returned and spent a morning chatting while I caught up with the paper work and
squared the incident with Haringay Borough Command. I made a point of calling
Sergeant Warwick personally to thank her for her help – always useful to build
A very polite man from the French
Embassy turned up that afternoon, shook our hands and assured us that if we
could see our way to allowing the French Government to repatriate their wayward
son they would consider it a great favour.
have his word for it that he killed Professor Guillaume and I’m not sure what
purpose would be served by excavating Green Park Shopping Centre,’ said
Nightingale. ‘And it’s not as if he has much time left.’
So we put
the question to Antonin, who chose repatriation.
the food will be better,’ he said and I couldn’t argue with that.