What I Told The Students

I was recently asked to give a seminar to some creative writing students on the subject of being an author. Fortunately this is one of the few subjects that falls within the limited area of my expertise(1) so I wandered across the river to Twickenham and faced up to a terrifying collection of ridiculously fit and healthy young people.

This is what I told them. None of it's particularly original but hey it's not like you're paying for this stuff.

1. You Must Make Time To Write

The world is full of people who say they have a book inside them but fortunately for us professionals only 0.001% ever bother to write the fucker down. If you don't write you're not a writer and if you can't find time to write then you obviously don't want to be a writer.(2)

2. You Must Complete What You Start

If you find that you've written the first ten thousand words of more than three novels then you should seriously consider switching to short stories. The first bit of a novel is like the first bit of a bridge - you have to start somewhere but without the rest it's a waste of time(3).

3. You Must Become The Arbiter Of Your Own Work

You cannot rely on other people to validate your work. You must learn to judge the quality of your own writing for yourself. The best way to do this is to read some writing that you find substandard and ask whether your work is better than that? High art is all very well as an aspiration but clarity and readability(4) make a good solid floor.

4. Your Must Experience The Wider World

You need to constantly expand your experience of the world. You can do this through travelling, reading, talking to people, visiting places or just using your imagination to create new places, people and situations. This is one of the most important aspects of being a writer without which you will never transcend the narrow confines of your own life(5). Make a point of learning the names of everyday objects, readers can get away with a vague sense of a lintel but you need to know for certain so you can use it properly.

I could probably bang on about all these subjects for many more pages but there's paid work I'm supposed to be doing so that's your lot.

(1) The other subjects are; shelving, watching TV and... nope that's pretty much it.
(2) Obviously this applies mainly to people living a 1st world lifestyle.
(3) Or a diving board.
(4) Unless you want to win the Man Booker of course.
(5) I don't know about you guys but if I found my life interesting I wouldn't be writing about other people.

Schwarzer Mond Uber Soho

Black Moon Over Soho
I don't know why it's a black moon but the covers good and it's in German and that's the main thing. Here is the blurb... I have no idea what it says.

Constable Peter Grant ist ein ganz normaler Londoner Bobby. Die Abteilung, in der er arbeitet, ist allerdings alles andere als normal: ihr Spezialgebiet ist - die Magie. Peters Vorgesetzter, Detective Inspector Thomas Nightingale, ist der letzte Magier Englands und Peter seit kurzem bei ihm in der Ausbildung.

Was im Moment vor allem das Auswendiglernen von Lateinvokabeln bedeutet, die uralten Zaubersprüche wollen schließlich korrekt aufgesagt werden. Doch als Peter eines Nachts zu der Leiche eines Jazzmusikers gerufen wird, verliert das Lateinstudium auf einmal seine Dringlichkeit. Peter findet heraus, dass in den Jazzclubs in Soho, im Herzen Londons, plötzlich verdächtig viele Musiker eines unerwarteten Todes sterben. Hier geht etwas nicht mit rechten Dingen zu ...

The November Fictional Criminal Report

Welcome to the third and last monthly fictional criminal report. The question, are black criminals more likely to be portrayed as career criminals than white criminals in a completely arbitrary selection of US TV series, has been answered with a firm yes. Here are the monthly totals...

Type: Number (percentage of group/percentage of total)

White American: 51
Sympathetic: 8 (16%/10%)
Unsympathetic: 12 (24%/15%)
Vicious: 5 (10%/6%)
Career: 26 (51%/33%)

Non-white American: 20
Sympathetic: - (-/-)
Unsympathetic: 8 (40%/10%)
Vicious: - (-/-)
Career: 12 (60%/15%)

The number of foreign criminals has been so consistantly low that I've stopped recording and in the next evaluation foreigners will be folded in with the American characters.

The totals for the three month period are as follows.

White American: 172
Sympathetic: 24 (14%)
Unsympathetic: 50 (29%)
Vicious: 23 (15%)
Career: 73 (42%)

Non-white American: 50
Sympathetic: 5 (10%)
Unsympathetic: 9 (18%)
Vicious: 1 (2%)
Career: 35 (70%)

These proportions were remarkably consistant across the various shows with only the Mentalist and Blue Bloods showing equal proportions of career criminals in both white and black.

Starting in December we will be folding the foreigners into the main figures and counting all non-regular characters in a slightly wider range of shows.

Die Flusse von London

You can now download a sample of the German text of Rivers of London (Midnight Riot) at the DTV website here.

The sample is a pdf accessed by clicking on Druckansicht (PDF) near the bottom of the page. Also available is a flyer for impressing your German friends with and a big image of the cover which I think is rather splendid.

According to the website publication is January 2012 which I shall confirm when DTV give me a firm date.

Hang on a Moment

I frequent cry I hear during the Leveson Inquiry is that the public were as much to blame as the press - after all are we not celebrity obsessed. Is this not what drove the law abiding journalists to stoop to such low and immoral acts.

I call bollocks(1). The News of the World had a circulation of 2.8 million and the adult population of the UK is 51 million so that means that only 5% of adults bought the paper. This does not constitute a majority. Even if 3 people avidly read the paper (by presumably nicking it off the guy who did buy it) then that's still 20% - still not a majority.

I'm not saying that there's not a market for celebrity gossip but I'm increasingly doubtful that the culture is quite as celebrity obsessed as the media likes to believe. Certainly the media is celebrity obsessed but then they're drawn from a narrow demographic already(2).

So next time that someone insists that 'we're to blame' ask them if they can prove it.

(1) That's bullshit in American.
(2) Not going to go there.

Currently Reading

I'm currently reading two books; Estates: An Intimate History by Lynsey Hanley as part of my background research for book 4 and Darkness and the Devil Behind Me by Persia Williams because I've always been interested in the Harlem Renaissance but have never really had time to do any research.

I know that Nightingale was 'working' in New York in that era and I've seriously considered a short story based there but I haven't found a 'voice' for the piece yet.

There really is nothing half as good as a well researched historical thriller for painlessly imparting historical information. Providing you hit the books before you actually use any of it.

The Joy of Rewrites

You want your rewrites! I've got your rewrites right HERE!

Like many writers I approach the prospect of rewriting my work with emotions that run the gamut from fierce dislike to fear and loathing. Nobody I know likes to rewrite, particularly to order, and those that do need to be kept under observation. Remember the strange guy who's neighbour's say (while the police dig up his back garden) he seemed like such quiet man, kept himself to himself? That's the kind of person who likes doing rewrites.

The reason for disliking rewrites are reasonable and sound. In the first instance my work was perfect when I handed it in - you can't improve upon perfection and thus any suggestion that you can is not only personally insulting but also an offence against god himself!(1)

In the second instance by the time I've finished a novel I'm so tired of the material that the mere thought of going back to it make me physically sick. Like all wounded animals a writer will become vicious if pushed - like terrorist bomb-makers fiction editors are a profession signified by missing fingers.

In the third instance just as fat man immediately forgets his last meal and starts dreaming of the next(2) so an author is already working on the next book. I don't know a writer who doesn't start thinking about the next book even as he's struggling with the last half of the first, possibly because he is struggling.

The real problem with rewrites is that sooner or later, just like George Takei, you will have to fucking do them. Unless of course you get rich enough to afford the famous Protection from Editors CardTM.

(1) The theological argument is as follows: since only God can be perfect and my first draft was perfect then I must be god QED.

(2) Trust me on this.

Being the Chosen One is Grimm

Grimm, read the script for the pilot and didn't like it. Was given a preview of Episodes 1 and 2 and... It could go either way but why?

Grimm suffers from excessive destiny syndrome. Life Buffy Summers our hero is the Chosen One, of the pure and wondrous bloodline of the Brothers Grimm who can see the monsters for what they really are etc etc. If Grimm stood magnificantly alone this wouldn't be a problem but since we are drowning in people with inate powers who have been chosen by fate to... whatever it is they are chosen to do it comes across as a tad stale. He has a black best friend as well, wouldn't it be nice if the black guy has the special powers for a change but that's a whole different rant.

So why am I planning to watch this series when it finally washes up in the UK as part of some package that Channel 5 bought in order to get something they really wanted?

Below this point are spoilers - read no further...........................

Because there's a reformed big bad wolf living in his town who has all the best lines, all the best scenes and is, in fact, a much better character than our hero, his black best friend and his wafer thin girlfriend.

The bit where he rips the guys arm off and stares at it as if deciding whether to eat it or drop it was worth wading through the hero angst that permeates the rest of the story. I suspect that over the course of the season it will turn into a buddy series between the two...

He's a cop with secret family history and second sight, he's a big bad wolf trying to go straight, together they fight crime.

If I was the black best friend I'd start looking for a new job.

Currently Reading: Contested Will

Weirdly I was inspired by a Roland Emmerich film, not that I've got round to seeing it yet, to get what I've been told is the difinitive story of the debate about Shakespeare's authorship.

October Fictional Criminal Report

The programmes watched by my informant this month were; Castle. Hawaii 5.0. Unforgettable, The Mentalist, Prime Suspect, Person of Interest and Blue Bloods.

Against the Wall was dropped when she point blank refused to continue watching it.

For how the classifications work you can check this blog here.

There were no OBWs this month and only one Evil Brit.

Type: Number (percentage of group/percentage of total)

White American: 60
Sympathetic: 8 (13%/9%)
Unsympathetic: 24 (40%/26%)
Vicious: 9 (15%/10%)
Career: 28 (32%/21%)

Non-white American: 19
Sympathetic: 3 (16%/3%)
Unsympathetic: - (-/-)
Vicious: - (-/-)
Career: 16 (84%/18%)

White Foriegner: 7
Sympathetic: 1 (14%/1%)
Unsympathetic: 1 (14%/1%)
Vicious: 1 (14%/1%)
Career: 4 (57%/4%)

Non-white Foriegner: 4
Sympathetic: 1% (25%/1%)
Unsympathetic: - (-/-)
Vicious: - (-/-)
Career: 3 (75%/3%)

It's still too early to draw firm conclusions but one trend is clear; whereas the White American criminals span the gamut of roles and motivations from desperate citizen to vicious serial killers the vast majority (77% so far) of non-white American criminals are depicted as part of a criminal class.

Remember none of this 'research' conforms to even the most basic standards of empiricism and thus we are not even going to pretend to defend it.

Computer Transition

With a fine sense of timing my old computer gave up the ghost just one day short of me finishing the book. Relax; the work was all backed up but my contact list and email archives were not.

My priority is to deliver the book to my long suffering publishers once that is done I'll see about retreiving every thing else.

Only one of my email systems is working so I will not be replying to contacts through the folly for at least a week.

I apologise for any delays or problems this may create. I promise I will be fujlly plugged back into cyberspace by the end of the month.

Ben

Signing Today at Waterstones Covent Garden

I will be signing today at the Covent Garden Waterstones' mini-relaunch. It starts at six o'clock (18:00) and I'll be there until seven thirty (19:30).

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Galaxy National Book Award

Yes the 'not the Booker' is back and this time with a 100% more Aaronovitch. I've been put on the New Author shortlist but I don't rate my chances. What I'm hoping for is a butt load of chocolate. The announcement's been reported in the Bookseller who strangely focused on peripheral elements of the story - sometimes I just despair about modern journalistic standards.

This is the National Book Awards website which inexplicably hasn't updated it's own news story yet(1). There will be a TV show on one of the Channel 4s so there's a slim chance that my large presence may hove into view at some stage.

I shall keep the 3 of you posted.

(1) They probably have by now.

Riding With My Sister: Reading on Monday

Andrew Cartmel is staging a reading of his latest comedy 'Riding With My Sister' at the White Bear on Monday the 16th October. I'm hoping to mount a production of this work, that's how much I like it, early next year - so you support would be welcome.

It starts at 19:30 and is absolutely free.

White Bear Theatre

138 Kennington Park Road
London
SE11 4DJ

To reach by Tube:
Two minutes walk from Kennington Tube, on the Northern Line. Kennington is one stop from Waterloo.
To reach by Bus:
The 133, 159, 109 buses stop nearby.

To reach by Rail:
Elephant and Castle Train Station, then bus.

The September Fictional Criminal Report

I was watching Castle one week and there was a character, a former career criminal, who was being forced back into a life of crime by a much nastier career criminal. The sympathetic criminal was white and the nasty irredeemable criminal was black. Now I immediately jumped to a conclusion, I don't think I need to tell you what it was, but then I wondered if I was correct.

Since being on the wrong side of the pond I tend to see American shows at widely separated timed from when they are first broadcast I pitched this idea to an American friend of mine and they've agreed to compile the statistics for me. I might verify the figures as and when the episodes become available in the UK.

Who's counted

Any speaking criminal character or one who is identified by name. Mooks, in such shows as Hawaii 5.0, aren't counted unless they do something more interesting than pop-up like a paper target on Hogan's Ally.

The criminals are first broken down by nationality into American and non-American and then into white and non-white. European Latin American characters (Argentinians and the like) count as white. This is all going to be subjective so you mileage may vary. The actual criminal categories are as follows:-

Sympathetic: an ex-con forced back into the life by overwhelming circumstances, a person driven to extreme acts by abusive partners or bosses or just someone who snaps in a manner that we can both understand and empathise with.

Unsympathetic: Someone who commits a crime, possibly only one time, out of greed, or love or fear. Somebody who, under different circumstances, might have been us but chose badly and did something morally reprehensible.

Vicious: serial killers, sadistic mobsters, psychopathic gang leaders etc.

Career: mafia soldiers, gangbangers, street punks, people from the wrong area without an alibi.

Evil Brit: I don't think this needs an explanation (except that terrorists from Northern Ireland technically count).

Finally a non-criminal character who turns up with such regularity that I thought it would be interesting to do a crude count. This is the OBW or Obstructive Black Woman; this is a one or two scene character, often in a minor position of power, who gets in the way of our hero and has to be circumvented (and preferably humiliated into the bargain).

September saw the tail end of a couple of series and the start the new seasons. These are the ones my friend watched. The Closer, The Glades, Rizzoli & Isles, Burn Notice, The Protector, Alphas, Castle, Hawaii 5.0, Unforgettable, The Mentalist, Prime Suspect, Person of Interest, Blue Bloods and Against the Wall.

Total number of criminals 87.

Type: Number (percentage of group/percentage of total)
White American: 61
Sympathetic: 8 (13%/9%)
Unsympathetic: 14 (23%/16%)
Vicious: 11 (18%/13%)
Career: 28 (46%/32%)

Non-white American: 15
Sympathetic: 2 (18%/2%)
Unsympathetic: 1 (9%/1%)
Vicious: 1 (9%/1%)
Career: 7 (64%/8%)

White Foriegner: 7
Sympathetic: 2 (29%/2%)
Unsympathetic: - (-/-)
Vicious: 2 (29%/2%)
Career: 3 (43%/3%)

Non-white Foriegner: 4
Sympathetic: - (-/-)
Unsympathetic: - (-/-)
Vicious: 1 (25%/1%)
Career: 3 (75%/3%)

There were 4 Evil Brits making them 5% of all criminals but this is probably an artefact of Alphas which does love itself some Evil Brit.

There were also 4 Obstructive Black Women (counting the new Lieutenant in Castle only once).

Conclusions: the sample size is too low for anything to definitely emerge, I will point out that the vast majority of criminals are white but non-white criminals are much more likely to be career criminals than anything else.